Greetings all! Nestle in and get comfortable. The kettle is on and I am launching the first of a monthly series. I’m calling it “Reading the Tea Leaves.” I am not going to read fortunes based off of the remnants at the bottom of tea cup, though you can read more about that here and here. Rather, I am sharing two findings with you – one meaningful book that I read this month and a new tea that sneakily worked its way into my cupboard. (I have a tea problem – but there are worse things to be addicted to.)
Jessie gave me the book Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship by Kayleen Schaefer. She gave it to me on our six month friendversary and also as a nod to my habit of urging her (and everyone I hold dear) to “text me when you get home.” It is also a very telling sign that this friendship is made of some ironclad stuff.
Text Me When You Get Home sets out to debunk the idea that the only way women can share space in this world is if we are catty, mean, and competitive with each other. That is simply not true. For as long as humankind has existed, women have been turning to each other for support, solace, and friendship. I have known this in my life and I am thankful to Kayleen Schaefer for writing about her positive experiences with fellow women in this book.
Right away, I loved how Schaefer addressed the many meanings of the phrase, “Text me when you get home.” Sure, it’s partly about safety. I want to know you made it safely home because I care about you. It also signals you want to continue the night’s conversations long after you’ve both retreated to your homes. Saying “text me” is synonymous with “I love you,” or at the very least, “I care for you.” When I say it, I am also telling the person on the receiving end that my life would be less in some way if he/she was no longer in it, so please let me know you made it home safe and sound.
I want you to read this book so I won’t give it all away. I will only share some of the points that really struck me.
- Friendships are like our other relationships, and just as important. What sets friendships apart from more traditional relationships is that a non-binding agreement is keeping that friendship together. Those more traditional relationships, while usually forged in love, have the added layer of family ties or legal paperwork.
- The notion that we should ditch our friends once we’ve partnered up with someone for the long haul is ridiculous. Your partner/spouse should be central to your life (duh), and so should your friends.
- Female friends can hold each other close in all seasons of our lives. In fact, our network of female friends can be a lasting, loving support system until the end of our days. Also, it is perfectly acceptable to list your best friend as an emergency contact.
Before I continue with the book talk, let’s talk about tea. What am I drinking? At the moment I am drinking Matcha Ice Cream from David’s Tea. It is a green tea with almond slivers, white chocolate curls, and matcha powder. Its aroma is sweet almond with a little bit of buttercream, like a decadent dessert. Brewed, it looks like the bottom of a murky lake. Put that image out of your mind though, because the flavor is a subtle nod to its aroma. I could sip this entirely on its own but tonight I added a splash of coconut milk and I do not regret that decision.
Now back to Text Me When You Get Home. Over the past year, Stephanie has been teaching me how to quilt. We started small with a table runner that has somehow taken me forever to complete. No matter, it means I get to spend calm Sunday afternoons with Stephanie and her cats. During one such afternoon, we found ourselves marveling at how long we have been friends – and also talking about how friends you make as an adult differ from the ones you make as a kid. Stephanie and I became friends later in life when we were both in college and both closer to who we would grow into as our adult selves.
Looking back at all the friendships I had and still have, I can easily see where proximity played a role in the creation of that relationship. A lot of my friends from childhood have drifted away and that’s okay. When I think about it, a number of those friendships came into being simply because we sat next to each other in elementary school, or our moms were church friends and we were thrust together. That’s not to belittle those friendships – they were formative and important. And that’s not to say some childhood friendships can’t come with you into adulthood. For example, Beth and I have been friends since ninth grade and I see no end in sight for us.
What I’m trying to say is this – the friends you make as a grown woman are usually more aligned with your interests, your beliefs, your passions. At least that’s the case for me. There is a richness to those connections that is exciting. I connect more with women in my chosen friend family now in my adult life because we are bound together by stronger stuff than our parents’ shared schedules or the location of our lockers.
I will leave you with a true example of friendship goals, brought to you by my mom. My mom and B have been BFF's for decades. They go camping; they hit the wine trail, they commiserate about their children. A few years ago, I called my mom and she answered the phone with a cackle of a laugh. She went on to explain that she was at B’s house. B recently had hip surgery and my mom was there to lend a hand. B needed help cleaning and dressing the incision. My mom naturally gave her a hand. They both kept cackling in my ear, mom in the phone and B in the background, giggling about how my mom had just washed B’s butt cheek. That is friend love in the truest form.
What do you think? Have you read Text Me When You Get Home? In what ways have your friends supported you? Tell me about your female friend family.